


first crush

by mabufus



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 08:06:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14689938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mabufus/pseuds/mabufus
Summary: "I’ve never liked a boy before,” Todd blurts out. “If I’ve never liked a boy before how can I tell if one likes me back?”(In which Todd goes to Charlie for advice and regrets it almost instantly.)





	first crush

Todd Anderson doesn’t really know how to explain it, but when he was with Neil he felt different. It was hard to breathe, hard to focus. Sometimes he can feel his heart pounding wildly, and he finds himself running away, leaving Neil with a look of confusion on his face.  

Todd doesn’t know exactly know what’s happening but he knows that there’s no way that he was going to ask _Neil_ of all people because he’d rather not embarrass himself. He makes the mistake of asking Charlie what it means, but knows when to keep his mouth shut; aka not answer, even though Charlie is just _dying_ to know who he had gone and “ _fallen in love with”_.

“That,” Todd finally says quietly, blushing a bright vermillion, “is none of your concern. Also, I’m not in love with hi— _high fructose corn syrup_.”

 _A horrible and weird save, Anderson._ Todd thinks to himself.

Charlie’s eyes widen in surprise and Todd is sure he’s signed his own death wish. “ _A him, huh_?” He says, grinning at Todd. Todd refuses to look at him. Todd refuses to look at _anything_ except for the insides of his eyelids. He opens his eyes immediately when Charlie says, “So what’s his name Todd?” He is not convincing, and he is horribly aware.

Unfortunately, so is Charlie.

“So, this person,” Charlie says calmly, “when you’re close to them, you can’t breathe. Does your heart ever pound like a mile a minute? Does your throat dry up when you try to speak to them? Does your face get all hot? Do you wish you could recite the poems we recite during our meetings to them?”

Todd takes a minute to decide whether or not Charlie is being serious and not just messing around with him anymore.

“Y-Yes,” Todd says quietly.

“You may not be in love,” Charlie says, “but you’re definitely in _like_. Please for the love of God don’t turn out like Knox.”

Todd doesn’t know what to say. In like? With Neil? He doesn’t even know what _that_ means.

“So, you’re saying I have a crush on them?” Todd says slowly.

“ _Todd. Obviously_.”

Todd rolls his eyes.

“Do I know this person?”

Todd reluctantly nods. Another bad decision on his part.

“Uh, Todd, I’m flattered, but—”

Todd lightly punches him in the shoulder, “ _It’s not you_ ,” he says sternly.

Charlie, miraculously, comes to the answer before Todd can reveal it. “Holy shit, you like Neil! It’s so obvious! How have I not seen it until now? Oh, Toddy. Toddy, Toddy, Toddy. Who knew you had it in you to fall in love with such a studious and artsy boy like Perry?”

Todd fidgets with his fingers. Damn, he found out quick. Or maybe it _was_ super obvious to begin with. Maybe the only person it wasn’t obvious to was _him_. What if Neil knew? If he did, why didn’t he say anything about it? Was he trying to spare his feelings maybe? A million different thoughts flew through his mind.

“Are you okay, Anderson? You’re looking a little shaky.” Charlie gently touches his arm. Todd doesn’t move. In a mere few seconds he had overthought his situation with Neil so much that he had completely forgotten how to function. “Nope, you’re not. Okay. Um.” Charlie snaps him to attention. “Hey, snap out of it. You know he likes you back, right?”

Todd still isn’t moving. But his eyes follow Charlie’s gaze, waiting for him to continue.

“…Oh my God.” Charlie mumbles. “You both are such idiots. You’re so lucky Charlie Dalton _love expert_ is around.”

Todd is now unfrozen from his own overbearing analyzation, but still refuses to speak. Mostly because Charlie had referred to himself as a love expert. Todd may not know about love but he knows that Charlie is _not_ an expert. Charlie and himself are anything but.

“How have you not noticed?”

“I’ve never liked a boy before,” Todd blurts out. “If I’ve never liked a boy before how can I tell if one likes me _back_?” He is aware that he is not denying that he likes Neil.

Unfortunately, so is Charlie.

“We’re definitely going to come back to you not denying your undying love for Neil, but for now, it’s not that hard. It’s just the same as realizing a girl has a crush on you.”

Todd gives him a sour look. He lightly punches Charlie in the arm again when he laughs at him.

“Neil probably feels the same way.”

“He doesn’t.” Todd answers quickly.

He is about to go back to overbearing analyst mode when Charlie pulls him back into reality with a little rougher than necessary pat on the shoulder. “Maybe he’s just better at hiding it than you are, Anderson.”

“R-Really?”

“Really. Maybe he’s even read some of those loves poems at the meetings to you and you didn’t even _know_ it. It’s actually kind of funny, because all of us have seen you stealing glances at each other. We didn’t really think anything of it, though. Maybe we were the idiots all along. It really is refreshing to see young romance like this, though.”

Charlie has, unknowingly, broken Todd.

“T-Th…That’s not…He didn’t…W-We didn’t…” Todd trails off. He is refusing to look at Charlie again.

An uproar of laughter from Charlie. “So sweet, Anderson.”

“ _Fuck off_ ,” Todd mumbles, which earns a surprised look from Charlie.

“So feisty, maybe that’s why Neil likes you so.”

Todd rolls his eyes again.

“ _Goodbye_ ,” Todd says, leaving Charlie’s room. He can still hear Charlie’s laughter as he went back to his own room.


End file.
